Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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