it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
