positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
