so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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