how can u be prego again
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize