So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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