I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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