Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
