70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
