I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
