:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
