I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
