dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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