dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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