y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
