In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize