Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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