So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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