im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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