Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
