i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
