I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
