The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
