so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
