You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
