was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
