Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
