Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize