12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
