I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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