Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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