I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
