I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
