I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
