Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
