Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
