That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
