Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
