DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
