Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
