Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
