dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
