I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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