If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
