Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
