I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
