Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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