What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
