EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
