I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
