and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My pussy is not your playground.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
