I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
