what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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