he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
