sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
