Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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