So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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