I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
