I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
