An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
