There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize