I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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