Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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