Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
