new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
