Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
