Please, let me fuck your mom
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
