for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
