I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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