what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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