I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
