its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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