he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
