you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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