He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
