i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
