if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
