True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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