i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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