before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize