Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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