420 ftw
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
