I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
