i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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