Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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