we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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