i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
