Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize