I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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