I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the raccoons are back...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
