Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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