Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
