Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
