did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
