If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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