take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize