Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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