McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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