i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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