if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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