I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
