You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
