I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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