So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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