Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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