3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
