I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize