I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize