so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
