if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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