3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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