Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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