make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
