oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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