Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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