Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
