everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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