I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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