She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
two words: eviction party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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